FAQ
Frequently Asked Questions
About Wishes
What is the Wishes Book?
The Wishes Book is a New Zealand end-of-life planning book that helps you record the things you want your family to know when you're no longer here to tell them.
It guides you through your funeral wishes, personal messages, meaningful belongings, important information and other details that matter to you.
It isn't about being morbid. It's about making life a little easier for the people you leave behind.
Don’t leave your family with questions. Leave them with Wishes.
Why do I need a Wishes Book?
Because your family can't read your mind!
Even the people closest to you may not know what you would want for your funeral, which songs you'd choose, who you'd like to have involved, what should happen to special belongings or what personal messages you'd want to leave behind.
Writing these things down means your family doesn't have to guess at a time when they're already dealing with grief.
Is the Wishes Book only for older people?
Absolutely not.
None of us knows when our time will come, and sudden death can happen at any age. That's one of the reasons Wishes was created.
You don't have to be old, sick or planning to die anytime soon. You can simply be someone who likes being prepared.
Think of it as a little bit like an emergency kit for your family – hopefully they won't need it for a very long time, but they'll be glad it's there if they do.
Is talking about death really necessary?
I know. It's not exactly a favourite dinner-table conversation.
But avoiding the conversation doesn't make death any less inevitable.
Talking about your wishes while you're fit and well gives your family the opportunity to understand what matters to you – and gives you the opportunity to change your mind later.
Sometimes the hardest conversation is the most useful one.
Wishes and Your Will
Is the Wishes Book a legal document?
No.
The Wishes Book is a personal planning tool. It is designed to record your wishes, preferences, messages and important information for your family.
It does not replace legal documents such as a will or an Enduring Power of Attorney.
Does the Wishes Book replace my will?
No – and it isn't designed to.
Your will deals with the legal side of things, including what happens to your assets and estate.
Your Wishes Book deals with the personal side – things such as your funeral preferences, personal messages, meaningful belongings and other information you want your family to know.
Ideally, your will and your Wishes Book work alongside each other.
What's the difference between a will and a Wishes Book?
A simple way to think about it is:
Your will says what happens to your stuff.
Your Wishes Book says what matters to you.
A will is a legal document dealing with your estate and assets. A Wishes Book records personal and practical information that can help your family after your death.
Both can be important, but they do different jobs.
Should I have a will as well as a Wishes Book?
Yes.
A properly prepared will is important for dealing with your estate. Your Wishes Book can sit alongside it and provide the personal information that isn't normally included in a will.
If you don't have a will, I highly recommend getting appropriate legal advice about putting one in place.
What's Inside the Wishes Book?
What can I record in my Wishes Book?
The Wishes Book guides you through a range of questions and prompts, including things such as:
- Funeral preferences
- Burial or cremation wishes
- Music and readings
- Flowers and other funeral details
- Personal messages
- Meaningful belongings
- Important family information
- People you want involved
- Personal reflections
- Other things you want your family to know
The idea is to get the important things out of your head and onto paper.
Can I include personal messages for my family?
Yes.
The Wishes Book gives you space to record personal thoughts and messages for the people who matter to you.
You might want to write something for your children, partner, parents, grandchildren, friends or anyone else who is important in your life.
And yes, you can be sentimental, funny, serious – or all three.
Can I record what I want for my funeral?
Yes.
The Wishes Book gives you prompts to help you think about the type of funeral or farewell you'd like, including preferences around things such as music, readings, flowers and other personal details.
You don't have to have every decision worked out before you start. That's the whole point of having somewhere to think it through.
What if I change my mind?
That's completely fine.
Your wishes can change as your life changes.
You can update your Wishes Book whenever you want. Just make sure your family or another trusted person knows where the current version is kept.
Using Your Wishes Book
Where should I keep my Wishes Book?
Somewhere safe – but not somewhere so secret that nobody can find it!
Think about who needs to know that it exists and where it is kept.
You may also want to tell a trusted family member, friend or your executor where to find it.
Who should know about my Wishes Book?
At the very least, someone you trust should know that you've completed one and where it is kept.
There's not much point writing down all your wishes and then hiding the book so well that nobody can find it!
Can I complete it with my partner or family?
Absolutely.
You can complete your own Wishes Book, work through it with your partner, or use the questions as a starting point for family conversations.
You may even discover things about each other that you never knew.
Do I have to answer every question?
No.
The Wishes Book is yours.
Some questions will be easy. Others might make you stop and think. You can skip something, come back to it later, or write as much or as little as you like.
There are no wrong answers.
Getting Started
How do I start planning for my death?
You don't need to organise everything in one afternoon.
Start with the things that matter most to you.
Think about:
- What would I want my family to know?
- What would I want my funeral or farewell to look like?
- Are there belongings that are especially meaningful to me?
- Are there personal messages I'd like to leave?
- What important information might my family need?
- Does my family know where my important documents are?
- Do I have an up-to-date will?
The Wishes Book is designed to help you work through many of these questions.
What should I leave for my family when I die?
There is more to leave behind than money and possessions.
Your family may need to know about your wishes for your funeral, special belongings, important contacts, personal messages, photographs, digital accounts and other things that matter to you.
Most importantly, leave them some clarity.
Grief is hard enough without having to play detective.
How do I talk to my family about my wishes?
Start small.
You don't need to announce over dinner, “Right everyone, let's discuss my eventual demise!”
You could simply say:
“I've been thinking about what I'd want if something happened to me, and I've written a few things down. I'd like you to know where they are.”
The conversation might feel awkward for five minutes. That's okay.
It could save your family much bigger conversations later.
Digital and Practical Wishes
What about my digital life?
Your digital life can be just as important as your physical belongings.
Think about photographs, social media accounts, email, online subscriptions, cloud storage, digital investments and other online accounts.
It's worth considering what you have, where important information is stored and what you would want your family to know.
Should I put passwords in my Wishes Book?
Be careful about writing actual passwords in a book that could be lost or accessed by someone else.
Instead, consider recording information about where important digital information is stored and how your trusted person can access it safely.
For sensitive accounts, a password manager or other appropriate secure system may be a better option.
What other information should I organise?
Depending on your circumstances, you may want to think about things such as:
- Important documents
- Insurance
- Bank and financial information
- Property information
- Important contacts
- Digital accounts
- Photographs and files
- Pets
- Vehicles
- Business information
You don't have to organise everything at once. Start with what would be hardest for your family to work out without you.
Buying Wishes
Where is the Wishes Book made?
Wishes is proudly created in New Zealand, for New Zealanders.
Can I buy a digital version?
Yes.
If you don't want to wait for the physical book, a digital version of Wishes is also available as an instant download.
Is there a guided version?
Yes.
Leaving Wishes includes a guided video that takes you through the Wishes Book and helps you work through the questions.
It's particularly useful if you're not sure where to start or you'd rather have someone guide you through the process.
Is Wishes a good gift?
I think so!
Although “Here's a book about what happens when you die” might not be the world's most obvious birthday present.
Wishes can be a thoughtful gift for parents, grandparents, partners, friends or anyone who likes being prepared and wants to make things easier for their family.
It can also be a great conversation starter.
About Wishes
Why was Wishes created?
Wishes was created after a sudden death in my own family.
When someone dies unexpectedly without clearly recording their wishes, families can be left making incredibly personal decisions while they're grieving.
I experienced that first-hand.
Wishes was created to help other families avoid some of that uncertainty and to make conversations about death a little easier.
Who created Wishes?
Me! Hi, I'm Suze!
I created Wishes after experiencing first-hand how difficult it can be for a family when someone dies without leaving clear personal wishes behind. Especially as I had also had the experience of my father dying with Wishes - so I knew how much easier things could be.
Is Wishes about death?
Technically, yes.
But really, it's about life, family and the people we leave behind.
It's about making sure the people you love don't have to guess what you would have wanted.
Still have a question?
If I've missed something, I'd love to hear from you.
Get in touch with me and ask away.
Because when it comes to planning for the end, there really is no silly question.
Don't leave your family with questions. Leave them with Wishes.